1: I am Carmen Nichole Eckard.
2: I try to stay exceedingly positive, and most of the time, it works.
3: I'm married to Jon Eckard. He is awesome.
4: My dog is Bertha. She is almost creepily human, and I love her way too much. She is completely spoiled but if you met her, you wouldn' t blame me.
5: I can't work just one job. Way too boring. I need variety.
6: Also, I'm not good with bosses.
7: I host trivia. I do that at Beef O' Brady's in Hickory on Wednesdays at 8, and Buffalo Wild Wings in Hickory on Mondays at 6:30.
More on that. Also, in that same vein, I host karaoke now and then, and I really like that too.
More on that.
8: That husband of mine is an exceptionally talented photographer. Don't believe me? Look for yourself:
http://www.jeckard.com/ I have the honor of working with him. I'd be hard pressed to give myself a label...manager/secretary/assistant? That might work. And, I've even been learning how to be a better photographer.
9: I also substitute teach. I used to a drama teacher, but that didn't work out so well (see number 6 and then consider how many bosses a school system has). I liked teaching kids, but I did not like the school system, and often teachers acted ugly to the "Specials" teachers (Art, music, drama, PE). Substitute teaching is great because if a teacher is mean, I don't care. And if I do care, I never have to go back.
10: I'm super sensitive. I will cry at the drop of a hat, and I am always aware of the vibe in a place. Those things have their ups and downs.
11: My best friend is Allison. She makes maps and keeps a swell blog. She also lives next door to me, and comes to trivia mostly every week. We've be friends for 13 years, which is the longest I've kept in touch with anyone that I'm not related to. We were college roommates, and I love her very much. Her blog:
Anybody Want a Peanut. (Picture is Allison singing karaoke)
12: If you knew that Allison's blog name was a
Princess Bride reference, I like you more now. I
love that movie.
13: My other friend is Matt. I'll keep those 2 for life. I'm not sure what to say about Matt here, except that it is exceedingly comfortable to hang out with him. And, he is "Our" friend, which is so much better than having Carmen's friends and Jon's friends. I tried to find a picture of him smiling, but as soon as my camera comes out, his smile goes away.
14: I'm getting really excited about the concept of having a baby someday soonish.
15: I love the internet, and I love fooling around with websites...Partial list of sites I keep up:
16: Fall is my favorite season.
17: Any shade between red and orange...that's my favorite.
18: I love wood...I like to be surrounded by it, and all my desktops, gmail, igoogle and twitter all have woodgrain.
19: My family is awesome. Mom and Dad split when I was younger, and the result is I have 2 families to like. The first, my mom's side:
That's the whole extended family...from the left my smaller family starts with person #13 and goes through Jon. My step-dad is a pentecostal preacher, and my mom is back in college to be a deaf interpreter. My sister is getting married in 2 months!
My dad and his wife deal in dogs...they sell natural dog food, show their dogs, and occasionally breed them. I think it is awesome that they make money doing things they like...just like me. This is them:
20: I also completely lucked out in the in-law department. My in-laws treat me like their own daughter. I can't find a picture of us all together...but that's everyone...Don, Evelyn, and Brother-in-law Thad.
21: I am totally and completely proud of my mom for following her dreams and going back to school. Also, I just like her. I genuinely like to talk to her.
22: My dad and I used to have a really crappy relationship, but now we have a great one, so no harm, no foul.
23: It's nice to not have Daddy Issues anymore.
24: I recently quit wearing makeup. I may not look quite as cute, but a: I feel better. b: I save 12 minutes every day. c: I can wash my face anytime I want. d: My skin cleared up. e: I feel lovely.
25: I lean a little towards the liberal side. I can totally be friends with someone who leans towards the conservative, but not if they want to talk about politics all the time.
26: I like to be right, and I often am.
27: I've got crazy book smarts, but it didn't occur to me that it wouldn't matter in the "real world".
28: I really like sitting on my couch.
29: I don't like alcohol.
30: I've "screwed up" a lot in my life, but I'm so happy. So, I guess nothing was really a screw up, because it all taught me, and shaped me, and helped me be in the right place to meet the love of my life.
31: One of those "
screw ups" was a
marriage at the age of 21. Some people may be grown up enough at 21 to get married, but I wasn't, and he wasn't either. I don't think I've ever talked about all that on my blog, and I don't think I will now either. It lasted 3 years, and I'm only now letting go of some of the guilt. Some. I still feel pretty terrible about it all, but only when I think about it. And, I'm selfish, so I just don't think about it too much.
32: I totally think that being selfish is OK. You have to make yourself happy, because no one else can make it their life long priority.
33: OK-I'll talk about it a little bit. I couldn't escape the feeling that he needed so much and I was completely inadequate. I mean, I could try, but I couldn't help him, enough, ever. And then, I started sinking down with him. At the end of it, I felt so completely drained, like I didn't even know who I was and what I wanted. It was the worst time in my life. It was much worse for him. And Oh My God the guilt I felt that I let him down...that I couldn't hold him up and keep him going. And then the guilt with the thought "Maybe I could have held him up longer" but at what cost? Every ounce of my own happiness? I couldn't. I am, at times, emotionally crippled, and I cannot always be the strong one in the relationship. I need to be taken care of, at least sometimes.
34: That whole shenanegan led to me actually searching myself, and figuring out who I was, and what I wanted. Kind of an important step in life. So, things are better now.
35: I carry around crippling guilt in regards to several things...I'm working through that, and I'm glad, because it was going to kill the real me.
36: I have to be the real me. I'm not good at anything else. And if I'm living for other people, how do I pick who I'm living for? And how am I supposed to know what someone else expects? No thanks...I'll do it my way.
37: It took me 27 years to get to that place, and I like it.
38: I throw a GREAT party.
39: I'm an excellent cook, and I love cooking for people.
40: I'm embarassed by how much I check my email and Twitter. I'm also embarassed by how seldom I check my phone.
41: I am not modest. I don't see the point. The world would be better if everyone knew how awesome they are.
42: In all my life, I've never dated a non-creative person. There have been actors, and poets, and artists, and musicians, and finally, a photographer. I couldn't live with an accountant.
43: I'm messy. My brain is a little cluttered, and when given the chance, I keep my surroundings that way too.
44: It is intentional. I know you don't think so, but my mess is intentional, and I know where stuff is.
45: I do, however, live with a very neat person, and so I've made lots of efforts to be neater in my house, and my car. If you want to truly know me, though, just look in my purse.
46: I'm more comfortable with a microphone in my hand, talking to 100 people than I am one on one, talking to anyone outside of my very small friend circle.
47: I know so many people, and I like most of them, but I save the title "friend" for only those very closest to me.
48: I am so good at keeping my cool. Unless it's my husband, then I lose my cool about 10 times faster. At this point, he's the only person who's opionion really matters to me, so I hate it when he's mad at me, or when I've irritated him, and I lose it right away.
49: Tedious tasks, especially computer type tedious tasks, don't bother me. I just try to take it one minute at a time.
50: It is hard to stress me out.
51: It is hard to piss me off.
52: If you do, you won't like it.
53: When I have PMS, I feel like there is an alien in my soul. I know I'm being crazy, and I know it is PMS, but somehow there is nothing I can do about it.
54: I'm a little too emotionally driven.
55: A personality test reveals that I am an "Spontaneous Idealist". Or, an ENFP (extrovert, intuitive, feeling, perception).
56: Personality test generated adjectives: spontaneous, enthusiastic, idealistic, extroverted, theoretical, emotional, relaxed, friendly, optimistic, charming, helpful, independent, individualistic, creative, dynamic, lively, humorous, full of zest for life, imaginative, changeable, adaptable, loyal, sensitive, inspiring, sociable, communicative, erratic, curious, open, vulnerable. All true.
57: I'm fun.
58: My IQ is kind of ridiculous, but I don't often feel smart, so I'm confused. Also, once you get out of school, no one cares if you're smart. It's such a change, and it is so rapid, and I felt a little cheated. I got over it.
59: I've kind of ignored my bad traits. I do that. It helps me to be happy. They include: impulsivity, messiness, stoic stubborness, the unrelenting idea that I am right, and if you disagree with me, you must be wrong, A mouth that never stops, resistance to bossiness, neglecting to follow through, and I cave way too quickly to pretty much anything I want.
60: I'm not so good at follow through. I come up with great ideas, but then I get bored halfway through and abandon it. I tend to completely follow through only with my most awesome of ideas.
61: I have never met a stranger.
62: I crave, love, need attention. I know that isn't a good thing, traditionally, but it works OK for me. The trivia and the karaoke take care of that jones.
63: Another snipit from my personality test: "This personality type is a keen and alert observer; they miss nothing which is going on around them. In extreme cases, they tend to be oversensitive and exaggeratedly alert and are inwardly always ready to jump. Life for them is an exciting drama full of emotionality. However, they quickly become bored when things repeat themselves and too much detailed work and care is required. Their creativity, their imaginativeness and their originality become most noticeable when developing new projects and ideas - they then leave the meticulous implementation of the whole to others. On the whole, Spontaneous Idealists attach great value to their inner and outward independence and do not like accepting a subordinate role. They therefore have problems with hierarchies and authorities." I just read that a second ago, and giggled because I'd already written most of those things in this here long list.
64: I'm a Virgo, so I should be really neat and anal. I'm not. I am bossy, though.
65: I will watch an episode of Family Guy even if I'm busy and I've seen the episode 4 times.
66: I also love King of the Hill, Southpark, Glee, United States of Tara, Weeds, Tosh.O and the Colbert Report.
67: I'm reeeeeeeeally good at multi-tasking. I thrive in chaos, and noise and distractions don't bother me too much.
68: Nothing personal, but I don't care if you like me anymore. That's kind of freeing, and it goes hand in hand with letting go of the guilt.
69: I keep overbooking myself and wearing myself a bit too thin. It's been an ongoing problem my whole life. I usually get it all done, and just end up a little stressed. But sometimes, I disastrously let all of the balls fall and hit me right on the head. Ouch. I'm trying to let go of that a bit.
70: I'm happy. Happy like I've never been.
71: Growing up, I had a real jerk for a step dad (I only say "Jerk" because I've made an effort to make this a totally vulgarity free zone). I spent a lot of time rolling around in the misery of that, and then I realized that I was just giving him power in my life, even though he hadn't been in my life for 15 years. So, I just stopped rolling around in the misery. And then I realized that I have somehow (brilliantly, if you ask me) forgotten him. I literally cannot conjure a single specific memory of him. I'm not sure, but I think that means I win. For his apart, he loses for sure. He has 3 daughters and a step daughter who do not like him, and basically have to be forced to speak to him. So yeah, he loses.
72: Step-dad number 2 is a keeper. He's nice, and a Penecostal preacher. I will say it is a little difficult to gain a Penecostal preacher for a step-dad at the age of 15. That was exactly when I wanted to start doing things I probably shouldn't have, and he was always there to be strict. But honestly, I know how unstructured and "follow your bliss"y I am, and I probably would have gotten into A LOT of trouble if that man hadn't been so strict with me. So, thanks Ted. Although seriously, I hope you don't read my blog.
73: It is possible that the strict Church of God upbringing and the scads and scads of guilt may be related. Maybe not...but when I was young, I was taught that thinking of something was just as bad as really doing it. And I was taught that sin is sin is sin...no matter what. So, in my little 6 year old brain, if I thought about stealing a candy bar, then it was the same as if I did, and I was pretty sure that meant I would go to Hell. Unless, I felt reeeeeally guilty about it for a while, then confessed my sin. And then, when I was 13, and had horomones raging through my body (and man did they rage...I'm still guided around by those dumb horomones), I was convinced that thinking about sex was just as bad as really doing it...and I couldn't stop thinking about it. So, imagine the guilt.
74: I've had this horrible hair my whole life...all frizzy and curly and drab. But this year, I figured out how to work it and I love it! And by "how to work it" I mean, "Leave it alone." As long as I just let it dry without pulling it back, or touching it too much, we're in good shape. Honestly, though, I still love a ponytail.
75: I'm awesome. You should totally hang out with me. (And, I'm a completely shamelss self promoter.) I haven't always been awesome. Only here lately, since I've let a lot of hangups go. In college, I was a total wreck. So, be glad you know me now.
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